


Something for Negan

by Carman_Hall



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game), The Walking Dead: Road To Survival (Video Game)
Genre: Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes Feels, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Negan (Walking Dead), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Rick Grimes & Negan Friendship, Sweet Negan (Walking Dead), The Sanctuary (Walking Dead), Unrequited Rick Grimes/Negan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carman_Hall/pseuds/Carman_Hall
Summary: A Rick Grimes and Negan Fanfiction. During a routine visit to Alexandria during December by the Saviors, Rick Grimes notices something off about Negan. He's sleep deprived, and looking a little less confident. Plus, all the Saviors are going on about how Simon has tougher skin. Rick becomes suspicious, and thinks Negan may be being extorted.
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 56
Kudos: 75





	1. Negan, do you need help?

Something for Negan 

The fog that ruled over the atmosphere struck Carole as eerie, but there was something about it she liked. The peace, the stillness, she wasn’t sure. But, she figured, if the fog were thick enough, maybe Negan and the Saviors wouldn’t pay them that visit the was scheduled for today. 

She was mistaken. 

The Saviors all but honked their horns as they demanded to be let into the Alexandrian community. 

“What are they gonna take?” Carol asked Rick Grimes, keeping a straight gaze at the foreign men and women making fools of themselves in the streets. “There’s almost nothing left.”

“Carl!” Rick called, his accent tended to be on the thicker side when he was flustered and today was no exception. Carl knew what this call meant, but that didn’t mean he wanted to abide by it. Just before the Saviors arrived, he had been peacefully coloring with Judith. Now, he had to scoop his little sister up and head indoors. He did so, but not without an eye roll and a muttering of “Negan’s gonna have to stop this at some point,” under the nearly grown man’s breath. “He’s not wrong, ya know,” Carol nodded to Rick. “Negan can’t keep this up. We can’t keep this up. Something’s gotta give.”

“I know,” Rick wrestled with his frustration and anger, running his hands through his freshly washed hair. “I see you,” Carol smirked.”If you think you’re gonna change the man’s mind just because you smell like...” she embraced the scents as they floated around them. “Vanilla. You smell like vanilla. Why is it, that you only take a shower on Negan’s scheduled visit days? Vanilla isn’t going to woo him into giving our stuff back.” 

Rick slowly blinked at his friend. “I gotta shower sometime. It’s not for Negan.”

“Alright, if you say so. But I’m saying it’s definitely for Negan,” Carol smirked. “Maybe I should bake him some sugar cookies, might make him sweeter. Christmas is around the corner, Rick, remember? And Negan’s taking everything. We won’t make it through the winter like this...”

“We won’t make it through anything if we so much as step one toe out of his damn line,” Rick began to pace as the Saviors ransacked several of the houses. “But I think I have an idea. I’ve been taking tabs on every one of these guys during visits. I’m on to something here, we’ll see if I’m right or if this works.”

“Whatever you say, Rick.” Said Carol.

“Oooooh Rick!” Negan called. “Where’s Rick?”

“I’m here, Negan,” the Alexandrian leader stepped out. “But look around you, your people are taking stuff from our children, things they could really use. Blankets? Negan, come on. It’s getting cold.”

“Do you not know how to build a fire?” Negan smirked and shifted back. “Or are you afraid those big, bad, dead fucks will be lookin for some snacks? Don’t worry, Rick, I got you! You’re dealing with the Saviors, and well, ya know, we fucking save people!”

Rick raised his eyebrows, taking a step towards his enemy. “You save people? You’re doing a pretty bad job there, Negan. You killed two of my people. Killed. Them. Brutally, might I add. And now, your people are taking way more than half. Do you see them? They’re taunting my people, pushing our children. Better get your people in line.” 

“The fucking BALLS on you today!” Negan smirked again, but his lips trembled slightly.

“Something wrong?” Rick asked softly.

“Fuck you,” Negan scoffed. “It’s just cold.”

“Not that cold. Not yet,” The former sherif corrected. “And you’re looking a little pale. You feel alright? We could have someone take a look at you.”

Negan shifted his weight, making sloppy tracks in the dirt around him. “It is cold though, and my people are fucking freezing, so suck it up, light a fire, and keep your damn mouth shut.”

“But Negan, you took all our matches, our lighters, our lighter fluid, our flint, pretty much everything.” Rick spoke clearly and deeply, looking the taller man dead in the eye. “We are going to either starve or freeze to death, eventually, and then you’ll have no one to provide for you.”

Negan scoffed. “I have Oceanside. I have Hilltop, I’m gonna get the kingdom. I’m not fucking losing sleep over it.” 

Rick smiled slightly. “Looks like you are. Your eyes are bloodshot, what do you got going on back there at the Sanctuary? The people treating you alright?” 

“They’re treating me fine. I’d fuck em up if they didn’t. You know that.” Negan walked passed Rick, huffing and mumbling under his breath. “Fucking prick...”

“Hey bitches, look what I found!” One of the saviors, a buff looking woman with short blonde hair, held up a bag containing some socks. “These look knitted! Will keep our feet nice and warm.”

“Those are for my mom,” a young girl spoke up. “I made them for her, she loves stuff like that and I wanted to make her a present. Can I have them back please? I’ll find something else for you.”

The woman laughed and spit in the girl’s face. “No. Fuck your mom. Actually, don’t do that. Nasty. But I want these socks, so...they’re mine now.”

“But you’ve taken way more than half...” the girl squeaked, rubbing her worn shoes against the ground. In turn, the Savior allowed the grip she had on the socks to drop completely as she replaced the homemade gift with the young girls neck in her hands. “Bitch! I said the socks are mine! You wanna die?! Cause that’s what’s about to happen.” 

Negan, not oblivious to the situation, rubbed his temples and cracked his neck. “Stop. Just fucking stop. It’s a kid, let her have the socks that she made for her mom. Damn. No fucking shame, huh?” The Savior responded by gritting her teeth. “Yes...sir.” She let go, and the child coughed, grabbing for her socks.

Negan reached them first, giving them back to the girl. “I’m sorry,” he said. “They’re Ass holes sometimes.” The girl nodded, looking down. “Yeah...they are.”

Negan turned and walked away, but he could hear the Saviors around him who saw the action snicker, and once in plain view, they rolled their eyes at him. “Negan’s a pussy,” one Savior said to another. “Simon would have just taken the fucking socks and put them right on his feet then and there. That’s what real men do.”

Negan grumbled, keeping his eyes fixed on his boots. He didn’t even notice how Rick had been right there the whole time. “Fuck! Grimes, look at you, lookin creepy as shit, standing there, listening in to my shit. And you-“

“Negan. What’s going on.” Though Rick was shorter than the other man, in that moment, his confidence and calm demeanor made him feel taller. His plan was slowly coming into play. “Negan.” He said again. “You don’t look so good.” 

“I’m fucking fine!” Negan clenched his fist as his shoulders tensed up a bit. “I didn’t sleep that great last night, that’s all.”

“Or the night before that, or the night before that,” Rick noted. “You look sleep deprived, and you’re shaking.”

“I’m not!”

“You are.”

“Mind your fucking business Grimes, what’s gotten into you? One more toe outta line and I’ll fucking wack you.”

“Easy there, Negan,” Rick warned. By now, a small crowd of people had gathered. “You’re in our playground right now. You need to play nice.”

Negan huffed, taking a step closer to Rick. “I’ve been in your playground before and you KNEELED before me.” He looked down at the sherif, scowling. “What’s so different now...”

“My perspective,” answered Rick with a small smile. He wasn’t too proud to look up at the other man, and in fact, did so with the smoothest confidence. “I see now that things aren’t what we thought they were,” Rick leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “Negan...do you need our help?”

Negan stood there stunned for a moment, searching his soul for an answer.


	2. The world is full of monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick reveals to Carol his suspicions that Negan may be being extorted by the Saviors.

Negan looked around him, seeing that even more people had gathered from both communities respectively. 

I have to tell him. I want to. I need to... Negan’s thoughts raced faster than a freight train but stopped short as more of the Saviors approached the spectators. Holding his head high, Negan scoffed. “Rick, you’re a stupid little prick that thinks he knows shit, but CLEARLY you are mistaken. So. What are you gonna say the next time me and my people come a knockin’?”

Rick frowned, looking Negan dead in the eye. “Don’t do this...”

“Nope!” Negan leaned back laughing. “You’re gonna say, ‘Well thank you Negan! Take allllll our shit and enjoy it!” 

“Negan...”

“Rick!” Negan swung Lucille over his shoulders dramatically. “Do me a favor. Keep saying my name like the lost puppy you are. I like it!” Suddenly, a few of the Saviors approached Negan. “We have everything we want,” one said and then smirked. “Boss.” 

“Shit,” Negan smirked. “I’m outta here! Well, see ya next week! Better get me something good!” 

With that, the Saviors circled Negan, in what many Alexandrian’s assumed was a way they protected their leader from harm, but Rick knew better. Taking a few steps forward, the Alexandrian leader reached out his hand to try and pass a few Saviors and get to Negan. 

“What do you think you’re doing?!” One of the Saviors swatted at Rick’s hand. “Say, ‘bye bye Negan! See ya next week!’” The men and women who arrived from the Sanctuary snickered and smirked as they made their way back to their trucks.

“Damn,” Carol breathed, approaching Rick once the Saviors hauled themselves back towards their home. “I heard what you asked Negan, do you really think he’s in some kind of danger? I mean, what would it matter to you if he was? He killed Abraham. He killed Glenn. You do remember that, yeah?” 

Rick blinked and nodded, watching as all his people dispersed into their homes to see what the Saviors had taken from them, or if they had discovered any of their (what they assumed were) clever hiding spaces. “I know he did. We were all there. But...”

“But what? What kind of justification is there for this? Not only did he kill our people, he had fun while he did it. Please, humor me. Tell me how that’s okay.” Carol tilted her head at Rick. “And I need to know what you got up your sleeve.”

Rick loooed up from the ground to his friend, whom he’d known almost from the start. “Look, back when I was a sheriff, I got calls for domestic violence all the time...”

“What’s your point?” Carol asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “I’m sure Negan beats on a lot of his people, that’s just the type of man he is. Come on, I’m no stranger to it myself.”

Rick shook his head. “I think Negan is the victim.”

“You’re kidding me...”

“No,” Rick assured her. “Think about it, the lack of sleep, the pale skin, the obvious fake arrogance he’s flaunting as a wall of protection, and he’s skinnier than I’d expect a leader to be in a place like the Sanctuary, do they not feed him? He looks dehydrated too. And he trembles when certain Saviors get too close. And did you hear what they said about Simon? I think maybe he has something to do with this. I think maybe he’s using Negan. A classic case of abuse and extortion. But I can’t be sure unless I get it out of Negan directly.”

“And you think he’d tell you the God’s honest truth?” Carol chuckled. “Good luck with that one.”

“I won’t need luck, just a little time,” said Rick, looking at the gate. “I even thought about going over there and seeing for myself, but that’s not gonna work. I need him to lay his pride down, if only for a second, and come to me. I can help him. I think we all can, if he tells us the truth and helps us in return. This world has enough monsters in it already, Carol. The world could stand a dose of humanity.”


	3. Negan and Simon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes home to the Sanctuary. Home to Simon; a sinister truth begins to unravel.

“Negan!” Called Simon with open arms as the man in the leather jacket slipped out from the passengers seat of a truck. Negan acknowledged Simon briefly, before cautiously trying to get away from him and up to his room.

“Ah ah ah!” Simon grinned and grabbed Negan’s jacket, tugging him to his side. “We really gotta talk more, you and I. I never see ya these days!” Simon put one arm around Negan, and with his free hand, he slammed his palm repeatedly across Negan’s chest. The man in the leather jacket responded simply by flinching.

“Aww, come on Negan, it didn’t hurt that bad. Here, why don’t we go in my office and we can talk. A good ole neck rub wouldn’t kill ya either,” Simon gripped the back of Negan’s neck tightly. “You’re so tense!”

The pair continued to walk before Simon forced them to a stop. He whispered. “Lookie there Negan, do ya see? It’s one of your supporters. But who do they really belong to? Ope, here they come. Do your thing.” Simon released the man and backed off a few steps. “Howdy do!” Simon said to the Savior who approached. The Savior, Dwight, got on his knees before Negan. “Good, I like that,” Negan cooed. “What’s your name.” 

“Negan,” Dwight replied. 

“Who do you answer to?” 

“You.”

“Who do you provide for?”

“You.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“You...Negan?” Dwight looked up.

Negan raised his arms, signaling for Dwight to rise, which he complied as quickly as he could. “What? You got something on your mind? Someone you wanna snitch on? Might wanna be carful with that, snitch one too many times and you’re... ya know...” Negan made a slashing motion across his throat with his fingers. “Or do you wanna go ahead and tell daddy just what you did while I was away? Tell me, and you won’t get punished.” Negan smirked. “Well, at least not as bad, but there will be a level of discomfort. You might lose points, rec time, whatever I decide will best get it through your thick ass skull that we don’t break rules around this place! I mean, come on. You already lost the dignity in half your face!”

“No, Negan. I’m doing what I can to be a productive member of society... and I’d never let you down like I did before. I just... are you um....” Dwight picked at the dead skin by his finger nails.

Simon couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle and an eye roll. Negan tensed his shoulders. “Carful....” Negan warned. “I’m not a game of 20 mother fucking questions.”

Dwight nodded and sighed. “Are you okay?”

Negan laughed a little too loudly. “What in God’s name kinda fucking stupid fucking question is that?”

“That’s a lot of fucks,” Dwight noted.

“A lot more than I actually give,” Negan reached in his pocket and took out a stick of cinnamon gum, throwing it in his mouth. “I give zero fucks about your bullshit. Don’t you got a job or something?”

“I’m on break...”

“Well, good for you. Go take it somewhere else and don’t you EVER ask me a stupid question like that again.” Negan made sure to speak loudly enough for Simon to hear. “There is absolutely NOBODY in this shit show of a planet that has it better than me.”

Though this answer didn’t seem to satisfy Dwight, he simply nodded and went on his way. Figuring, Negan’s mental state was probably none of his business.

“Bravo!” Simon clapped, stepping back up to Negan, guiding him forcefully along. “You never cease to amaze me, Negan. Is there something you’re not telling me?” He poked at Negan’s chest playfully, but this only managed to make the man in the leather jacket even more tense. Simon pipped up again, “Did you used to be an actor? Get any Grammys or whatever? Cause damn, your performances just keep getting better. If I didn’t know any better,” The two arrived at Simon’s home, but before they entered, Simon pressed his thumb to a pressure point on Negan’s neck. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you believed all the bullshit lies you’re telling. Which is? What’s the lie, come on Negan, what’s the lie.”

Negan swallowed hard, breaking out into a sweat. “That I’m in charge,” he whispered. 

“And now,” Simon rubbed his thumb across the pressure point, smiling wickedly. “Tell me, what’s the truth?”

“You’re in charge....” Negan’s gaze hit the ground.

“Good! Tell me more, I love our little talks.” Simon’s grin got even bigger, and his eyes glowed with a sinister fire. 

“And I let the people believe I’m in charge because they can’t abide by you, they don’t know you like I do....they uh...they don’t see how good you are to em.” Negan gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. 

“Negan!” Simon pressed harder against his neck. “What’s going on, buddy? You can do better than that.”

Negan cleared his throat, breathing heavily. “You’re a better leader than I could ever even hope to be. My people-er-my supporters, they’re just....”

“Yeah? Go on. Say it.” Simon put his other thumb on the other side of Negan’s neck, looking him square in the eye. “What are they. Say it. Come on, just like I taught ya.”

“They’re stupid fucks,” Negan choked out. “And once you get more supporters, the truth will come out, and they’ll either side with you and stay safe, or die.”

“Great!” Simon slapped Negan on the back, opened the door to his home and signaled Negan to walk through. “Ladies first!


	4. Negan’s Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes home to Simon, who has a little surprise for him that ends up becoming a punishment.

Chapter 4:

“Up the stairs ya go!” Simon shoved Negan so aggressively towards his rickety staircase that the man in the leather jacket fell over, dropping his bat, Lucille, in the process. 

“Ugh fuck...” Negan groaned, reaching for his bat. Simon kicked it away. “Ah ah ah! You don’t need that dumb bitch when you got me, right?”

Negan huffed. “The fuck you say?”

Simon frowned, leaning down to the other man and forcing him on his feet. “The fuck YOU say?!” Simon back handed him. “What’s that?” Another backhand. “You been away from me too long or something?” He slapped him once more and a few other men, much larger than Simon or Negan, approached. “I got some new friends while you were away in Alexandria!” Simon perked up. “Wanna meet them, or rather, their fists?” The men stepped out from the shadows and into the light, pounding their knuckles into their palms. 

“I...uh....no. I don’t really want shit to come to that,” Negan stared at the men.

“Didn’t think you would, you’re a reasonable man, for the most part. Except for when you didn’t do like I told ya, remember that? The ones you were supposed to kill but didn’t? Up! Up! Up!” Simon shoved and kicked at Negan to go up the stairs, to which Negan complied. As he climbed the stairs, he caught glimpses of a few photos lined along the walls. One of a child, a teen, and an adult. All of them were Simon, just him, posing for the cameras. “Awww Negan, you’re making me blush! But tonight’s about you, you’ve worked so hard, you deserve a little something nice from me.”

They reached the top and Simon opened the door to his office. Again, Simon pushed him inside. “Sit!” He barked, and Negan did just that, as Simon’s new friends stood right outside the door. “Now,” Simon cracked his knuckles. “Lean your head back, there ya go. Now relax....” 

Negan squirmed uncomfortably in the black, cracked, leather seat. “What are you gonna do to me...”

“Nothin bad!” Simon placed his fingers around Negan’s forehead and began to rub them. “Damn Negan, always expect the worst in me, huh? This is your reward, a nice rub down. Get ya all loosey goosey!”

Negan let out a nervous breath as Simon Negan to rub his head. “Agh...yeah...my head fucking hurts. The sun was too damn bright and I-“

“Shh.” Simon pressed his fingernails against Negan’s cheeks. “I said Relax. Are you relaxing, or are you talking my head off when I didn’t even ask you to speak?”

“I’m sorry...”

“I’m sorry, What?”

Negan gulped, feeling Simon’s fingers tip toe around the pressure points of his neck. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“There ya go,” Simon soothed with a grin, gently massaging Negan’s neck and shoulders. 

Negan let his head hang and his shoulder drop, releasing a few sighs here and there.

“Feels good?” Simon smiled.

“It does,” Negan replied in a most gentle voice. 

Simon rubbed the palms of his hands in a circle around Negan’s back. “Bet it would feel better if you let me take off your jacket.” Slowly, Simon unzipped the black leather jacket, slipping it off his shoulders. Underneath, his white T-shirt did little to hide the open wounds and bruises all across his arms. “My Negan. Mine.” Simon put a mass amount of weight on one hand, causing Negan to groan in pain. He leaned down and kissed one of Negan’s bruises, before using his shoulder as leverage to pull himself back up. Negan slumped down in his seat.

“Sit. Up.” Simon curved his tone, wrapping his hands around his throat. Negan coughed, but adjusted himself to Simon’s liking. “Negan...” Simon hummed, massaging Negan’s neck and shoulders again. “What did you tell Rick Grimes at Alexandria when he asked if you needed help?”

A punch to the gut. That’s exactly what Simon’s words felt like. “I...I uh....” Negan shifted in his seat nervously. 

“Did I tell you, you could tense up?” Simon pinched the side of Negan’s neck before going back to massaging it. “No. I didn’t. Relax. It’s just a question, we’re talking, and we’re close enough to air our dirty laundry, right?”

Negan nodded. “I pretty much told him to fuck off. But...how did you-“

“Pretty much?” Simon raised an eyebrow. “Meaning? Come on, don’t leave me hanging!” He glided his finger nails across Negan’s back, tracing nothing other than his own name.

“Meaning I told him I was being treated just fine. He has no suspicions. Why would he? I mean-“

Simon grabbed as much of Negan’s hair as he could and yanked his head back. “Don’t you fucking dare lie to me! What else do I gotta do to you? Was me killing your baby not enough?! Rick is obviously on to something. Jesus, we gotta start feeding you before we send you over there. Probably saw how fucking ugly you look when you don’t eat or sleep. But that’s not my fault is it? IS IT, NEGAN? Is it MY fault that you fucking raised YOUR voice at ME the other night and had to learn a little respect in the jail cell?”

Negan closed his eyes, sniffling slightly. “No...”

Simon took his fingers and held the tip of Negan’s nose. “What’s the matter, pussy? You gonna cry? My people tell me everything. Do NOT lie to me.” Simon let go, but proceeded to spin Negan around, grab him, and throw him against the wall. Removing his belt, Simon licked his lips. “Negan, get on your knees.”

Negan leaned against the wall, sliding into the corner. “N-No...fuck....no, please. Simon I didn’t mean to lie to you I’m just...you’re right. I’m sleep deprived. My brains a little fucking mushy right about fucking now.”

“Now now Negan, saying fuck a lot of times doesn’t make you any tougher. You’re still a pussy. Look at you. Get on your knees.” In addition, Simon signaled his very buff, new friends to fully enter the room. “Get him on his knees, boys!”

“Yes sir!” They said, laughing at the sight of Negan curled in a ball, whimpering on the floor. They lifted him up and chucked him clear across the room. “He said get on your knees, mother fucker!” One of them screamed. The other new Savior recruit rushed to Negan’s side, picked him up, and threw him back to that same corner, where he hit his head. 

“Oh! Ouch! Look at those gashes from all those open wounds getting even deeper!” Simon pulled Negan by his hair until he finally got on his knees. “This could have been a good day for ya buddy, but no. You had to go and ruin it by lying to me. That hurts me, ya know, when you can’t respect me as a man enough to tell the truth.” Simon caressed Negan’s cheek before cupping his chin in his hands. “You did this to yourself. Remember that.” Simon doubled up the belt in his hands and proceeded to wack Negan in the arms and face with it. The process took no longer than three minutes, but by the end of it all, Negan’s face and arms were covered in blood, sweat, and tears. The sound of the belt cracking against his skin still rang in his ears.

Simon huffed. “You’re a mess. You need a bath, and then I guess you can go to bed. I’ll draw you a bath.”

Negan fell completely to the floor and curled up, tears streaming down his face. “I....I....I....I’m sorry....Simon, I’m sorry....”

Simon spat at him and kicked him in response. “How many times have I heard that one? Keep fucking up, and you’ll get fucked up. That’s what I always tell ya, and yet, you never listen. Hey!” Simon crouched down, grabbing the other man’s face forcefully. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. I’ll get your bath ready, shhh shh ssh. Stop crying.” Simon stroked Negan’s black hair. “I’ll get the water hot like you like it, some bubbles, soaps, all that stuff. And then you can get some sleep. I had the maid wash the sheets and stuff, so you know, clean sheets means clean dreams and all that. Sound good? What do ya say. Come on, like I taught you, now.”

Negan’s eyes darted around the room. At Simon. At Simon’s new friends and at the entrance. He settled on the ground, which seemed to be his go to. “Thank you, Simon. You... You always take care of me. I would be nothing without you.”

Simon beamed at Negan, lifting him up and beginning to guide him into the bathroom. “Of course, my pleasure as always, dear friend.”


	5. Baptized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There is a brief moment in this chapter where one of the characters attempts to drown themselves. If this is something that may cause any personal distress, please skip this chapter and wait until I post chapter 6. There, I will go over what happened in chapter 5 minus the triggers. 
> 
> Negan accidentally pictures himself in Alexandria, and Simon comes to deal out even more punishment.

Negan stared at the wall in front of him, sinking deeper and deeper into the bubble bath Simon had prepared for him. 

“I could just end it right here,” he thought to himself. He sank deeper. “It would all be over. All of it.” He closed his eyes and emerged himself under the water. 

Rather than seeing his life flash before his eyes, Alexandria came to mind. Rick Grimes. Maggie. Michonne. Carl. Even Judith. Everyone was laughing and dancing and the land was plentiful. And he was there, the big bad wolf himself, acting neither big nor bad. He smiled at the people, offering them a pie he had just made. Blueberry, in fact.

Negan rose from the water, wide eyed and gasping for breath. “Fuck...”

The door handled jiggled before a loud banging could be heard. “Negan! What did I tell you about locking the door?!” Simon growled. “Let me in. Now.”

Negan scrambled to his feet, unlocked the door and ran back into the bath heavily populated with bubbles.

“Thought you could use some company!” Simon glowed, sitting himself down at the edge of the bathtub. He ran his fingers though Negan’s hair. “Hair washing day, eh? You didn’t do a very good job of it. Here, let me help you.” Simon grabbed a shampoo bottle that smelled like cinnamon. “You like this flavor, huh?” Simon squirted the shampoo out of the bottle and Rubbed his hands together.

“Oh, no no no no Simon, I can do it myself I-“

“Shhh nonsense.” Simon whispered, lathering Negan’s hair. “Besides, you didn’t let me finish giving you comfort. It’s the least I can do.” Simon tugged at a few hairs, yanking them from his scalp. “Oops, my bad. Poor Negan, been through a lot today.” Simon smirked, scrubbing away at the other man’s scalp. “Okay, now dunk.” Simon put his hands on Negan’s shoulders, beginning to push him down into the water. 

Negan squirmed and splashed around, breathing heavily from fear. “Fucking shit...” he mumbled. 

Simon grabbed ahold of Negan’s chin and pushed it upward. “Stop. Fighting. Me. I’m not. Going. To hurt. You. LOOK ME IN THE EYES!”

Negan sat up. Simon pushed him down again. “I’m not going to let you drown. I might make you a little uncomfortable, but that’s understandable, isn’t it? You broke one of my rules. I heard you in here, gasping for air. You tried to kill yourself. That’s not okay and you know that. Only I can kill you, and I’m not done with you yet. Not by a long shot. So go on, get this over with.”

Negan sighed unintentionally but allowed Simon to push him down into the tub water. He stayed underneath only thirty seconds before his heart started to race and he began to feel panicked. His skin didn’t even feel the same. Rather, it weighed heavy on his bones, and try as he might to rise, he couldn’t outdo Simon’s strong grip of his shoulders. He released as little air as possible that he had been holding in, aching to get some relief. This relief came and went and before he knew it, he had let go of all the air he had been holding in. 

Finally, Simon pushed him back up. “Now see? That’s wasn’t so bad now was it? Plus, your hair’s clean now! What do you say?”

“Thank you, Simon...” Negan breathed. 

“Mmhmm. You’re so welcome!” Simon patted his shoulder and stood to his feet. “Now get out of the tub, it’s past your bedtime, mister!”


	6. Negan’s Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Simon nearly drowns Negan, Negan finally gets to go to bed. However, his nightmares end up keeping him up for the rest of the night. Meanwhile, Rick discusses his theory that Negan is being abused with Maggie, Carol, Aaron, and Eugene.

Even in his sleep, Negan couldn’t run from the pain. 

He was in Alexandria, running from Simon and his many supporters. His heart pounded as he plowed through bushes and other people who were in his way. There was a barbed wire fence he had to cross to get to the other side where a red barn gave him a sense of sanctuary. In real life, there was no red barn in Alexandria, but this was a dream, and anything’s possible. He couldn’t force himself to swing over the fence, instead, he just rammed right through it, cutting himself in the process. “Fuck....Rick! Rick!” He called out. He had been told that Rick Grimes was in this red barn, and though he had the lead on Simon and his friends, they were rapidly approaching.

Negan ran up the hill, begging God to give him better lungs so he could breathe. In turn, he was met with a voice from heaven. “Maybe you shouldn’t have smoked so much before this all started, Negan....”

He cursed underneath his breath but knew God was right in this instance. He did smoke too much back then, and now he was paying the price. As he continued to run up the hill, he saw him.

Rick Grimes. 

The former sherif stood there, smiling and reaching his hand out to Negan. 

Negan collapsed upon arrival, falling to his knees. Still gasping for air he looked up at Rick desperately. Simon’s friends screamed as loud as the dead, and they were more than halfway up the hill Negan had just climbed. “Rick....” he pleaded. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...” his face was covered in cuts and bruises. “Please...help me...”

Rick smiled, but shook his head. “It’s too late for that now, Negan. You should have taken my help when I offered it. This is on you now.”

Negan burst out into tears. “No...Rick, please, no!”

The saviors had caught up to him, and they had all somehow turned. 

They yanked Negan off his knees and into the circle they had formed. Simon, the dead version of him, pressed his face against Negan’s, staring at him with coldness. The others began to feast on his arms and legs. Simon then smirked. “My....Negan....Mine....MINE!”

Negan awoke abruptly, drenched in sweat as if he had actually been running, not just during the dream. “I’m a fucking idiot...” he murmured, slamming his head against the pillow. “I should have let him. I should have...”

The door to Negan’s bedroom swung open. “Neeeeegan!” Simon leaped into the bed and pressed him against his chest. Simon looked over his shoulders. “One of you stays, just in case. The rest of you can go to bed.” A few of Simon’s supporters nodded, one stepping into the room and standing off to the side, shutting the door. Simon went back to cuddling an unwilling Negan.

“Look at you, covered in sweat. What’s the matter, sweetie? You have another nightmare?” Simon snickered. “I promise I didn’t poison your food again. You wanna talk about it?” 

Negan allowed his head to be buried in Simon’s chest without fuss. He didn’t have the mental strength to pull away, nor did he feel he had the physical strength. His skin was pale and his eyes were bloodshot. “Not really, I just wanna go back to sleep.”

Simon patted Negan’s cheek. “You can’t. Not in this state. You’re gonna have to get all those burdens off your chest. I’m a REAL good listener, so tell me, what were you dreaming about that left you so frazzled?” Simon yanked Negan’s pillow from underneath him, putting under his own head before pulling Negan back up to his chest, allowing him to rest his head on his arm. “And tell me the truth, Negan. You know I HATE it when you lie to me.” Simon pinched the side of Negan’s neck.

Negan flinched. “I dreamed....”

“Yes?” Simon squeezed the other man tightly. “Tell me. The truth.”

Negan gulped. “You and some of your people were chasing me. You all had turned. I couldn’t get away.” 

“And that’s all?” Simon raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s all.” Negan began to tremble. 

“Hmm...” Simon rubbed Negan’s back in a gentle, circle motion. “Are you sure? You sure there’s not a little bit more to that nightmare than you’re telling me?” 

Negan’s heart raced as he wondered how on earth Simon would know if it was or wasn’t. Even before the world had ended, there wasn’t any such technology that allowed for someone like Simon to read his thoughts and dreams so clearly. “Well...not exactly,” Negan began, flirting with the truth. “Rick Grimes was there.”

Simon nodded, continuing to rub Negan’s back. “Ah Ha. I knew that. Wanna know how I knew?”

“Yes Sir.”

Simon grinned. “You were screaming his name in your sleep.”

“Oh...” was all Negan could think to say as Simon pressed him even closer. 

“Why were you dreaming about Rick? Why were you begging him to help you?” Simon placed his thumb against a pressure point on Negan’s wrist and began to rub. “Each lie you tell me will only bring you pain at this point, so choose your words carefully.”

————————————————————————

Rick Grimes held his head in his hands, sitting at the head of his dinner table. Maggie, Carol, Aaron, and Eugene sat around him, looking equally perplexed.

“I got a hunch about Negan, I really think something bad is happening out there,” Rick sighed. “Next time he comes here, I’m just gonna come right out and ask him. If he denies it, maybe I’ll press it a little further, but it’s up to him.”

“Still doesn’t change what he did,” said Maggie. “What he DOES to us. Every week. Sometimes multiple times in a week.”

Rick sighed again. “I know. And he’s gonna have to answer for that, eventually. But we need to know just how involved he actually is in all this, and how much he’s being used as their puppet.”

Maggie bit down on her lower lip. “How involved? He took his stupid basketball bat and bashed Glenn’s eyes out of his head and mocked him. Is that involved enough for you?”

“Maggie-“ Carol offered her hand to Maggie, but she shoved it away.

“No, Carol. Negan did this. He could have manned up and stood against anyone who demanded he do this, since he walks around like such a tough guy.” Maggie crossed her arms. “Rick, it’s gonna take a lot. A LOT. To convince me we should help Negan. Even then, I’m probably not gonna go for it. Would you? Had he killed Carl? Be honest.”

“No...” Rick admitted. “I’d have wanted to kill him for that.”

“See.” Said Maggie. “You would have killed him. He killed my husband. I should have every right to do the same to him.”

“But we can’t. Maggie, we can’t.” Pleaded Rick. “If anything, we need to get some answers outta him because I think things are a lot more complicated than we once thought. Negan could give us information that could save lives.”

“And why would Negan just give us that information, if he’s being extorted like you think he is?” Aaron chimed in. 

“We’ll show him that he has choices. We’ll show him he can trust us and that he doesn’t have to be alone.” Rick offered. “But listen, if I am wrong about this, and Negan is pulling the strings, we’ll have to have a different conversation. But I know abuse when I see it. You guys forget I dealt with cases like this all the time.”

“Yep,” Eugene nodded. “And it does appear that Negan is suffering from a lack of nutrients. This of course falls under the umbrella of food, water, and other basic amenities. His eyes are redder than a tomato on a hot summer’s day, which indicates a high level of insomnia. To put it quite frankly, Negan is a hot mess.”

“I agree.” Aaron said. “The man’s looking rougher and rougher each time we see him. Something’s up.”

“Let him look like that,” Maggie spat out. “Serves him right.”

Rick looked Maggie in the eye compassionately. “I get where you’re coming from, but we gotta find answers. What if Simon or someone has plans for us that we don’t even know about? Something that could break us forever? All I heard them talk about was Simon this and Simon that. He might be the culprit. I don’t know. I don’t think I will know until I get some one on one time with Negan, get him to confess. We’ll go from there, we just gotta be ready. The Saviors could come back at any time.”

————————————————————————

There was a new hole in the wall of Negan’s bedroom, and Negan himself was leaned right up against it. Streams on blood trickled down both his cheeks and on to his chest and down to his stomach. He was shirtless, but he had to thank Simon for being gracious and merciful enough to let him keep his sweatpants on. His arms, chest, and even his hands and neck were covered in little gashes from Simon’s knife, and bruises from Simon and his friend’s sharp knuckled fists. 

“You’re going back to Alexandria tomorrow,” Simon said, scowling down. “You, about ten of my strongest guys, and I’ll even let you bring Dwight as extra incentive to keep up appearances. You’re a prideful son of a bitch, aren’t ya? Fuck you for lying to me about your dreams. I know when you lie, and you were even talking in your sleep. Geez. How pathetic can you be?” Simon reached out and grabbed a red scarf from Negan’s night stand and threw it down at him. “You’ll wanna wear this tomorrow too, and gloves. You’re gonna clean Alexandria out. Rick will think REALLY highly of you then, won’t he?” Simon smirked. “You tell anyone any of this, and all your blissfully ignorant supporters will get gunned down. Do ya fucking understand what’s at stake here?”

“Yeah...” Negan said weakly. “I do...”

“Ya better!” Simon laughed. “Now go to bed and I better not hear you scream Rick’s name again, or we’ll play this game again until it’s my name you’re yelling out.”

Simon spit at Negan and left the room, slamming the door behind him. 

Minutes past before Negan found the strength to stand, and even longer before he made it back to bed. He slipped the covers half way over his body and closed his eyes so tight that it forced the tears from them. He turned over to his left side. “Fuck that,” he muttered as he saw the hole in the wall. He turned to his right side. Simon had forgotten his jacket. “Ugh the fuck is wrong with me... get it together, get it together.” Negan switched to laying on his back, then his stomach, then back to his left side because it had the least amount of gashes to his body. 

He fixed his eyes on the ceiling, trying not to look over at the hole on the side, but ultimately, he lost that battle and just closed his eyes tightly. 

He couldn’t sleep. Hours past by without another visit from Simon, but he spent that time going over how cocky he would have to behave the next day at Alexandria, for the sake of his and his supporters lives. For the sake of his pride. 

Before he knew it, the sun came up, and even though he hadn’t gotten any extra sleep, it was time to go back to Alexandria.


	7. Dwight Confronts Negan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwight confronts Negan after seeing his wounds, to which Negan responds by getting defensive.

Chapter 7

“Negan, come on. We gotta get going.” Dwight kneeled by Negan’s bedside. “I know you’re awake.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” Negan mumbled, refusing to open his eyes. 

“You didn’t sleep at all,” Dwight raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”

“No...I was... uh, I was too excited. Kept thinking about how bad I’m gonna fuck up the Alexandrian’s. They deserve it. Shit they pulled.” Negan sat up in bed, groggily.

Dwight’s eyes widened as he stepped back. “Negan....”

“What?!” Negan growled before realizing what Dwight was looking at. He looked down, realizing he had gotten back into bed without putting his shirt back on. His heart leapt at once, sinking back into the sheets and blankets. “I....I...fucking....uh...shit I got nothing. This whole no sleep thing has got me fucking fucked up.”

Dwight narrowed his gaze, reaching for and effectively pulling away the sheets to reveal a bare chested and ashamed Negan. He tried to nag the sheets back, but only managed to reveal his back, which was also covered in cuts and bruises, and he still didn’t get his sheets. 

“I knew it.” Dwight let out a breath sadly. “I knew it all along. Simon and his friends are doing this to you, aren’t they.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Negan slammed himself back on the mattress. “They’re not. They’re not!”

“Really defensive, aren’t we?” Dwight continued to keep his eyes narrowed at Negan. 

“Get the truck ready and get out of my room,” Negan wrapped his fingers around the bedsheets and yanked them from Dwights grasp. He twisted them around his body until he was wrapped inside like a cocoon. 

“You need to see a doctor about those wounds, man. And you need to get some sleep. Ain’t even outta the bed yet and you look like you’re going to pass out,” Dwight grabbed at the sheets again, to which Negan tugged back. “Negan!” Dwight huffed in frustration. “Negan, please... why are we doing this? We JUST went to Alexandria. I doubt they have anything extra to give us.”

Negan wiggled to the middle of the bed. “We’re taking everything. Fuck Alexandria. Fuck Rick Grimes.”

Dwight sighed, throwing his hands up and off the sheets. “I think Simon probably put you up to it, and I don’t think you mean that. I think you secretly wish all this could be over and we could all get along.”

Negan looked up, staring daggers at the other man. 

“Can you tell me I’m wrong though?” Dwight stared back, not phased in the slightest by Negan. “Hey, your bark is worse than your bite. I’ve always been able to see right through your tough guy act. Bet deep down, you’re a big softie, and if you and a few of us stayed in Alexandria long enough, we might actually get to see that side of you,” the blonde man smiled so brightly that his facial flaws were not entirely noticed by Negan. “I remember you before Simon came around. The rest of us who were there remember too. We miss you, Negan. You’re a good man. We didn’t know what got into you, but I think I know now...”

Negan’s lip twisted a bit, as he sat up and hopped out of bed, slipping his white T-Shirt over his arms and head. “You have zero fucking things to run to your little friends about, Dwighty boy. Only thing that happened, is I got into a tussle with an Alexandrian.”

“Hmm. They beat you down pretty good then.” Dwight nodded. “Why didn’t anyone help you?

Negan put his jacket on and wrapped his red scarf around his neck. He then propped his feet up, one at a time on the bed to zip and tie his boots. “I didn’t fucking need their help. Just like I don’t fucking need you running your damn mouth. You didn’t see shit. Hear me?” Negan took Lucille, which was leaning over his dresser and swung it over his shoulder. He leaned down at Dwight. “Hey...what did I say.”

“You don’t need help,” Dwight said, then he looked down, “but... I think you do need help.”

“I. Don’t.” Negan growled. “I fucking don’t. I don’t!”

“Who you trying to convince? Yourself? Cause I’m not convinced, not in the slightest,” Dwight stepped close to Negan and whispered; “If Rick asks you if you need help, you better not lie to him. You should ask him. Ask him to help you and tell him the truth. He’ll get it.”

Negan frowned. “Is that a fucking threat from you, Dwight?” 

“Not at all,” replied the other. “It’s a hope. A hope that you can finally be free and be yourself again.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “Suck my nuts. Get in the truck. We’re gonna fuck Alexandria in the ass until they bleed. Then? They’re gonna get on their damn knees and thank me for it. Let’s go.”

And off they went.


	8. Will Negan Accept Rick’s Help?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick tries one more time to crack open Negan’s shell.

Chapter 8

“Little pig, little pigs! Let. Me. IN!”

Negan swung Lucille and she clanged against the Alexandrian’s wall. A few of the people scrambled to get to the gate, but once it was open, they were meant with handful of bulky, impatient Saviors, Dwight, (who looked hesitant to speak and just stood there awkwardly) and of course, Negan. Though the weather was nippy, the man was not shivering like the rest of them. He was sweating. Sure, he was shaking, but it was a tremble, as Rick Grimes noted to himself, not the sort of movement someone makes when they’re just a little chilly. His hands were clammy, but no one could tell under Negan’s leather gloves. 

“You planning on killing another one of us today?” Rick briskly made his way to his enemy. 

Negan smirked. “Wasn’t planning on it, but now that you mention it, a little smash and bash does seem like fun, right boys?” Simon’s saviors nodded and whooped, taking a small leap into the air and lifting their fists upward. 

“Negan,” Rick started, giving no indication that what they said effected him. “Why are you here? You realize nothings changed. We don’t have anything to give you until next week.”

Negan’s smirk widened. “I’m here to take ALL your shit, Rick. Cause you were a stupid little fucking ass prick to me yesterday. Thought I’d return the favor!” He opened his arms out wide, encouraging the cheers from all the Saviors, except for Dwight who sighed heavily and openly. “You got a problem there, Dwighty boy?” Negan spun around to face the man with the half burned face. “Do you. Have. A fucking. Problem with this.” 

“No.” Dwight looked down.

“No. No? That’s fucking it?” Negan’s smile faded into a serious expression. He leaned into Dwight’s personal space. “No, what?”

“This isn’t you talking now,” Dwight said sadly. “It’s Simon. Negan, please. Stop doing this to yourself. Ask Rick for help. It’s not too late.”

Negan pressed Lucille against Dwight’s face and allowed his voice to boom across the community. “No, WHAT, Dwight?”

“No, Sir,” he answered. 

“Fucking thank you!” Negan let off of him, spinning back around to Rick, who, to his surprise, was much closer than he felt comfortable with. “Alright then. Saviors! Fucking load this shit up and then let’s get the fuck outta here!” 

The Saviors spread out across the city, but did there best to keep their eyes on Negan. Dwight simply waited by the car, also keeping his eyes on Negan. The bullies laughed as they stole toys from kids, formula from mothers, and even chew toys from puppies. 

Negan let out a disgusted huff. “Fuck me... you people... do you fucking HAVE to...ugh never mind. I did say take everything.”

Some of the Savivor snickered under their breath saying, “Simon said that, idiot. What Simon says, we do. He’s the real Savior. Not a pussy like Negan.”

Negan ran his fingers through his hair and took a few deep breaths. Everything was starting to look a little fuzzy, so he rubbed his eyes. This did nothing to help him; his vision grew increasingly blurry and the ground around him felt like it was moving a few inches away from his feet. He stumbled, startled by the feeling of having the ground shift from underneath him.

“Hey there,” Rick reached out for Negan. “Hey.” 

Negan fell into Rick’s arms but quickly pushed him away, walking in a different direction without any intended house to target. Rick watched sadly as the Saviors snatched things and aggressively chucked them in their trucks. He hid behind a corner, listening in as two of the Saviors stepped out of a house. 

“If Negan passes out, let’s make him pay for it!” One Savior suggested, carrying a rocking chair with the help of the other. “Yeah! Good call. Let’s tell Simon he told everyone the big secret. That’ll really get Negan’s ass beat.”  
The other Savior stared daggers at the man. “Ssssh it’s a secret for a reason, dumb ass.”

Rick covered his mouth, though he instantly questioned why he was so shocked. Maybe, he thought, it was the sheer audacity of them to speak about such dark truths in public. Rick knew all along something was wrong, but he needed to get it out of Negan, and get him to agree on letting them help him out of the grave he was buried in. Quickly and quietly, Rick moved away from the Saviors and looked in every direction for Negan. 

There he was, sitting on a bench, leaned against a tree. Rick stopped in the middle of the road, watching as Negan fidgeted. Negan toyed with unzipping his jacket and loosened his scarf a bit, but everything stayed on him. Rick finally approached and sat down on the other side of the bench. 

“We need to talk.” Rick began. 

“Bout what? You wanna apologize to me for not having better shit to give me? Cause right now you’re all on very thin fucking ice and you-“

The bench they sat on was old, and it creaked as Rick scooted himself a few inches closer to Negan. “Hey,” Rick interrupted. “We don’t have to like each other, but you’re a human being just like the rest of us here. I can tell something’s wrong. You’re carrying a lot of weight. More than you have to. Please, Negan, what’s going on at the Sanctuary?” Rick reached out to touch Negan’s shoulder, to which he responded by huffing and shoving him away.

“Shut up, nothings going on. I don’t need your help.” But Negan’s eyes told a different story. He looked around Alexandria. At the Saviors. Then at Rick, eyes pleading for him to intervene. Rick moved even closer, lowering his voice. “Now or never, man.” Rick’s gaze softened. “You’re being extorted. Aren’t you. You don’t have to speak, you don’t even have to nod. Just let me know if you are, or aren’t. We’ll go from there. An easy first step, especially since everyone’s occupied.”

Negan looked at his worn, filthy brown boots. He bobbed his head up and down, very discreetly. 

Rick gave him a pat on back, gently. “Wanna take a walk?” He offered. “Or maybe that’s something we can do later, you could use some rest, huh?”

“I gotta get back to the Sanctuary...” Negan mumbled, collecting himself to his feet, only for his legs to drag him back to his seat. 

“Ah, no ya don’t.” Rick looked over at him with concern. “You can’t even get up. But... we can help you. Do you want our help, Negan?” Rick chased after Negan’s eyes that continuously darted away from him. “I know you’re scared,” Rick continued. “And maybe you don’t trust us. I’d get that. Depending on what you tell me, hey, maybe we’ll end up trusting each other someday. But do you really wanna go on living like this? Come on. I want better for you, as a human being.”

Negan grimaced and stood to his feet, shaking as he took each step. His breathing was heavy, and though he shivered, his face glistened with sweat. “I gotta go. The Saviors are loading back up.”

“You’re a strong man,” Rick complimented. “You can make your own choices. Especially since you got a whole lot of people who agreed to help you. You don’t have to be in this alone.”

The sickly man stopped at Rick’s words, slowly turning to his side. “I...”

“NEGAN!” A Savior howled, charging at him. “Hey! Our fucking tire is flat! What are you gonna do about it?”

“Watch your tone.” Negan hissed. “And just fucking change the damn thing. Or are you too much of a pussy to do it yourself?”

The Savior crossed his arms. “We don’t have an extra tires. Used em all. So here’s the deal, I got Simon on the walkie and guess what? We’re all staying here tonight!” The Savior turned to Rick. “You’re gonna house us all together, and we are gonna stay the night. Simon and a few others will pick us up tomorrow morning. Good?”

“Uh, actually,” Eugene overheard and chimed in. 

The Savior pointed at him. “And fuck you,” he turned back to Rick. “Good. Glad we’re all on the same page.”

“Negan’s sick. Got a cold or something,” Rick spoke up. “So he’s gonna stay in a house separate from the rest.”

“We don’t have any houses for him other than the one you’re using for the Saviors,” said Carol. “Besides, no one’s gonna take him in.”

“Then I will,” offered Rick, pulling the frail Negan by his side. “I’ll help him up to bed, make sure he gets the care and rest he needs, and make sure he doesn’t wander off and kill us during the night. He’s in good hands.”

Anger rushed over the Saviors faces. They shot their looks of disapproval at Negan, as if the power of their gaze could scare the man into keeping quiet. 

“He’s in good hands,” Rick repeated. “Negan?”

The man with the leather jacket and baseball bat took a deep breath, looking between everyone. He nodded to the Saviors, implying he understood what would happen if he spoke outside the lines. “Yeah, I am feeling a little under the weather, and I don’t wanna get my people sick so...sure. Fuck it. Let’s have a sleep over Rick!”


	9. Negan sleeps in Rick’s house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick tries to have a heart to heart with Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t uploaded in a while! The holidays have kept me busy, but I’m back now :)

Chapter 9

“This is my house.” Rick opened the door to his humble home for Negan. They stepped through. 

“Smells like pine,” Negan noted groggily. “I kinda like that. Reminds me of...” He paused for several seconds. 

“Yeah? Something good? Something bad?” Rick questioned with softness. 

“Something good,” Negan assured. “Something I wish I could go back to.”

“Well,” Rick offered. “Maybe you can’t go back, but your future can always be better if you so choose. Come on, let me show you upstairs.”

The two of them walked up the stairs, Negan noted the walls, and how the pictures going up were of Rick’s family. It put a small smile on the Savior’s face, though he did his best not to show it. 

“This is your room,” Rick pointed to a smaller room with a full sized mattress in the middle. “I mean, it’s our guest room. But you’re a guest here tonight. Now, I have some clothes that might fit-a white T-shirt and black pants since that seems to be your style. Socks and things too. Shower’s right over there.”

“Right. Better fucking give me that shit. I know you’re scared of me.” Negan smirked. 

“No.” Rick frowned. “We aren’t playing that game. I know why you do this shit, but here, now, you’re only going to keep it real with me. No egotistical bull shit. No power tripping. Besides, this is MY house. I’m helping you because you’re a human being who needs it, and honestly, you might not be half bad if you learn to drop that attitude. Look at me, Negan. Drop. The bullshit.”

Negan pulled his head back and chuckled “Well shit. You’re all hot and bothered, huh? Welp, I’m gonna take a shower then. Need to keep up appearances. Then I’ll-“

“Then I’LL give you something to eat and drink,” Rick interrupted. “It seems like you’ve been deprived of those things, which is honestly a red flag. And then after that, if you want, we can talk, or you can get some rest and then we’ll talk. But you can’t avoid this, Negan, and it would be in your best interest to tell me the truth.”

“Are you threatening me?” Negan scowled.

“Not at all,” Rick sighed, leaning against the wall. “But you need to comply with all this, otherwise, no one will understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think you’re as bad as you make yourself out to be, but we all need to see that better side of you in action.”

“Got a hunch, Mr. Side sick?”

“It’s ‘Psychic,’ Negan. And no. I’ve just got common sense. I used to be a Sheriff, I dealt with domestic violence cases all the time and I can see a red flag from miles off. With you though...” Rick looked Negan up and down sadly. He swayed slightly, almost unable to stand up by himself. “Your red flags are like giant red banners waving all over the place trying to warn people. You’ve either been really good at hiding it until now, or your people just don’t care about you. Maybe a little bit of both?” Rick pondered. 

Negan huffed, leaning on the wall next to Rick, but more so for support than just a casual stance. 

“We will talk about this, Negan. You gotta do this. Do something nice for yourself. I won’t judge you, I’m not like that. Hey, how bout after we get all the heavy stuff outta the way we think of something a little more light hearted to occupy our time? Tons to do around here. Yeah? Negan?” Rick pressed himself away from the wall to catch Negan, who had fallen asleep prior and now fallen into his arms. The sherif smiled sadly, scooping Negan up and carrying him to the guest bed. Once he plopped him down on the pillows, he covered him in a blanket, hoping it would be enough to keep him warm since the Saviors stole most of the blankets. 

“Sleep well Negan, and don’t worry, we will figure out what’s going on, and we’ll help you,” Rick whispered. “You don’t have to be alone. Not anymore.” 

Quietly, Rick left the room and shut the door behind him, taking care of a few chores as his guest slept.


	10. You’re safe here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan awakes and Rick questions him on why he won’t remove his jacket.

Chapter 10

The sun was setting by the time Negan came to. He awoke with a start, wiping the droll from his lips and chin, groaning from the pains in his head and neck. He turned and laid on his back, slightly embarrassed that he drooled all over the right side of Rick’s pillow. The Savior mumbled incoherently before turning the pillow over and slamming his head back down. He became even more startled, hearing a knock at the door, followed by it creaking open ever so slightly. 

“Negan?” Rick spoke softly before staring right into Negan’s dark brown eyes. “Oh good, you’re back in the land of the... wow. We used to say, ‘land of the living’ and I guess it still is. All depends on how you look at it I recon. Don’t you think?” Rick slowly entered the room and sat on the edge of Negan’s bed. 

“I uh... I don’t know, I guess,” Negan stretched, yawning and turning on his side to face Rick. “You did say you were a sherif, right, Grimes? Not a fucking philosopher or some shit?”

“Oh Negan,” Rick sighed and chuckled, placing his palm on his knee, about to get up. “Coming to dinner? I know you haven’t showered yet, so go for it if you want. Or after, really doesn’t matter to me. But food’s almost ready. I made meatloaf.”

A cruel laughter shot right out of Negan’s mouth. “How? How did you fucking make that when all my people took the good shit?”

“Negan,” Rick turned where he sat, looking straight down at the man lying in bed. “I’m offering you some really good food. Something you don’t seem to be getting a lot of. All I need in return is the same consideration I’m showing you right now. Is that gonna be a problem, or can we get along tonight.” Rick didn’t speak this as a question, but more so, a demand. And yet, his tone of voice was filled with strength and kindness. 

“I’ll shut the fuck up then, ya got me sherif, I’m your prisoner,” Negan smirked. “You got any of those kinky handcuffs with all that fluff on em from that sex shop down the street? I mean if I’m gonna be your damn prisoner I gotta-“

“Well, for starters, you’re not my prisoner.” Rick smirked as Negan looked up at him in confusion. Rick continued. “You’re my guest, and you’re free to leave whenever you want. But I don’t think you actually wanna do that. At least not yet. You like the peace here, huh? I don’t blame you. And, as my guest, in my house, in a community that’s foreign to you, you need to obey the laws of the land or else, yes, you’ll be my prisoner and I don’t think you’d like that. Sleeping on the cold, hard ground, with no one to talk to. You strike me as a man who doesn’t like solitude.”

“Been there, done that.” Negan mumbled. 

“What’s that?” Rick raised his eyebrows. 

“Shit. Fuck it. Fine. I’ll play by your pussy ass rules and be fucking nice.” Negan huffed several times.

“Stop that,” Rick laughed. “I don’t think you actually mind being told that you have permission to be a decent human being. Now...here. Give me your jacket.”

Negan scrunched his face. “You fucking crazy? Fuck no.”

“Man, I’m just trying to be nice.” Rick sighed, looking Negan in the eye. “Has no one ever offered to hang your jacket up for you? You think I’m just gonna take it? Negan, it’s not my style.” He laughed, but Negan just stared at him. “I’ll hang up your leather jacket, and you can do whatever you need to do, but you do wanna eat with us, right? Look’s like you’re starving.”

“I am.” Negan admitted. “And I gotta say, meatloaf’s a top ten favorite. Don’t get much of that in the Sanctuary but um... by ‘we’ you mean who the fuck exactly?”

Rick smiled softly. “You, me, Carl, and Judith. Now, Carl says you took something of his and he’s pissed about it. What was it? Let’s try and resolve this before we eat.”

“Fuck. Might as well,” Negan shrugged. “I took his comic books.” 

“Negan...” Rick rubbed his chin, darting his eyes away. 

“I know. He’s just a kid. But shit. I wanted em. So I took em. I needed something to fucking keep my ass entertained while waiting for Simon’s next beating.”

Rick turned his eyes back to Negan at once. “What was that?”

Negan scooted as far as he could away from Rick on the bed. “I didn’t say anything. You’re going fucking deaf. I’m gonna go take that shower now.”

“Ah no, no, Negan. You said something and I heard you loud and clear.” Rick reached out to put his hand on Negan’s shoulder, but he batted it away. 

“Don’t fucking touch me....” Negan panted, gritting his teeth. He quickly turned on his other side away from Rick.

“Hey... hey!” Rick leaned in closer. “Calm down. Remember, I’m here to help you. Not judge you. Not hurt you. Can you take off your jacket? Please? I think maybe that’s where we need to start with all this.”

The man Rick spoke to took several deep breaths. “You can’t judge me. You can’t. You fucking can’t.”

“I won’t. I never will.” Rick assured. 

Negan turned to lay on his back before sitting up carefully. He unzipped his jacket and Rick stood to his feet. With uncomfortable causation, Negan slipped arms out and placed the black leather jacket next to him on the bed. Loudly, Negan let out the breath he’d been holding in, collapsing back onto the pillow. He closed his eyes tightly. 

Rick took a step closer, frowning heavily as he saw the scars, the bruises, and open wounds that covered Negan’s arms. “Oh...Negan. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Negan grumbled. 

“Can I take off your bandage?” Rick approached the man and kneeled beside the bed. “I think I can see why you always wear it.” He nodded down to the bandage wrapped around the other’s wrist before meeting Negan’s quivering gaze with a warm smile.

“Uh...you...you don’t have to do that I mean I can change my own um...bandages and shit ya know?” Negan tucked his entire body into the blanket. 

“Please?” Rick didn’t let his smile waver. “Even in the state I can see you’re in now, no one else has to see you like this if you don’t want them to. I’d recommend you see one of our doctors, but I’d be with you. What do ya say?” He reached his hands out to Negan. “I promise you, you’re in a safe environment. Look in my eyes,” at this request, Negan did so before Rick continued. “You’re safe here.”


	11. Rick Offers Negan a Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick offers Negan a choice. The easy way, or the hard way.

Chapter 11

Negan turned his face away, but placed his bandaged wrist in Rick’s palms. 

“Fucking get your feel good bull shit over with. I’m fucking hungry as fuck,” the Savior spat out.

Rick ran his thumb over the bandage, carefully, before beginning to unwrap it. “Hey, remember what I said, we’re gonna have Judith sitting with us and she’s just learning how to talk. You say ‘fuck, shit, ass,’ anything like that around her, I’ll...”

“You’ll what, Grimes?” Negan kept his face turned. “You’ll put me in the house where all the Saviors are so they can ra-“

Rick stopped. “Negan...” he whispered. 

“RAISE hell.” Negan cleared his throat. “Raise hell. They’ll...uh...fuck what was I gonna say...”

“You’re pulse is getting quicker,” Rick noted. “Take a few deep breaths. Hey...it’s okay.”

“Will you shut the fuck up?” Negan squirmed uncomfortably in the bed the longer Rick held his wrist. 

Rick took his time with the bandage. “You’re not...Alright listen. I do wanna tread carefully here cause like I said, I’m not here to hurt you. That means emotionally too,” Rick ran his finger through his hair to move a stray piece before continuing on the bandage. “You’re not used to someone touching you, skin to skin, without them hurting you, are you...”

Negan burst out laughing, but it wasn’t a genuine laugh. He was nervous. “Skin to skin. That sounds so damn creepy. Do you realize how creepy you fucking sound, Grimes? Shit. At least take me to dinner first!”

“Okay,” Rick almost unwrapped the entire bandage. “So, this is what you do when you get scared. You get cocky. Arrogant. THATS where that comes from. I’ll remember that next time I wanna take what you say to me personally. You could stand to be a little bit nicer, you know. But no hard feelings, just, don’t feel like you have to put on a show for me. What happens here can stay between us.”

Negan continued to keep his face turned as far away from as he could manage and the Alexandrian leader’s expression dropped even more. “Oh Negan.... Negan, look at me.”

The man bit his lip and squirmed as the volume of his breathing increased. Rick, in turn, just massaged with his fingers the scars that circled from Negan’s wrist, to half way up his arm. “I’ve never seen scars this deep. Or in complete circles. Or....” Rick sighed deeply. 

Negan snatched his arm away from the leader. “Shut the fuck up, you fucking pussy. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just...uh...it’s just....” Negan’s voice to tremble. “Never mind. Can’t seem to find the words to explain this brilliant, and I mean, fucking BRILLIANT piece of art to someone as dumbstruck as you. So-“

“Stop.” Rick stood to his feet. “Take a break from being an ass hole and listen for a second.”

Negan turned away on his side. 

“I know someone did this to you, or rather, DOES this to you on a regular basis. You can’t hide that from me. You can’t lie to me about that either, cause yeah, I was in law enforcement and I’ve been hitting a lot of soft spots with you and can tell when you’re lying. Just assumed you’d be a better liar than this, but hey.”

“I usually am...” Negan mumbled. “Uh-I mean...”

“Nope,” Rick shook his head, “you got it right the first time. No need to waste your energy trying to seem all big and bad. Now listen. Negan, after dinner, after your shower, you and I, we ARE going to talk about some things. Some things that I know are gonna make you uncomfortable. You try to run away, hurt my people, or get aggressive with me, I will take you in as prisoner. I really don’t want it to come to that, I think you’ve probably been through enough. But I need answers; my people are hurting and if there’s a way out of all this, I’m taking it.” The sternness in which he spoke faded as he continued. “And... you’re a human being. Just like me. Or Carl. Or Judith. You’re just going down the wrong path. And I think you know you’re going down the wrong path, and you’re desperately trying to get out, but no ones been there to help you find your way. Well guess what, you got me now. Whether you like it or not. Helping you means maybe helping my people. Wouldn’t you do the same?”

Negan swallowed hard. “No. I wouldn’t. I’d be a lot harsher than you’re being right now. I wouldn’t offer my enemy food, or a bed, or....”!tears began to form in his eyes but he fought them back. “Or this kind of, ‘I’m gonna kill ya with kindness’ type of vibe I’m getting from you. Makes a man like me’s walls start to crumble and shit.”

“Well,” Rick responded. “If your walls start to fall, don’t worry about trying to keep them intact, cause the foundation on your walls are rotted. I think it might be time to build a new one.” 

“You can’t take me as your prisoner,” Negan blurted out. “My people are here, and they’ve alerted more of my people and they are probably gonna come get us tomorrow. I got more of em than you. So... I love a good empty threat, I do. Makes you look all adorable and shit. But I’m not over here shaking in my boots.”

Rick looked down at his foe and smirked. “Didn’t I tell you, you didn’t have to act like that around me? Well, since we’re gonna be like that, let me tell you something. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I just want some answers. And right now, your people are in another house getting drunk on booze we told them not to touch. So yeah, they’d be pretty useless right now. And if those other people aren’t coming till tomorrow? Thanks for that conformation, by the way. I could easily take you as my prisoner right here, right now. I know a lot of people in these walls who would not be as kind to you as I’m being right now. And even if these people of yours weren’t already drunk off their asses... would they REALLY help you? Maybe they’d laugh at you, right in front of everyone here as Aaron or someone else humiliated you and tortured you. I don’t play those kinds of games, but some of them do, and I wouldn’t stop them. Not in this instance. So, what’s it gonna be, Negan? The easy way, a way that may feel really uncomfortable for you mentally, but I’d be right here to help you through it. Or, the hard way, where I can’t promise you won’t be mistreated by other Alexandrian’s who want your head on a platter? Either way, we are taking advantage of this, and I’m gonna get my people out of this shithole. Maybe you can dig out of it with us. Seems like you go through a lot out there. The choice is yours.” 

Dumbfounded, Negan stared at his enemy, his shoulders tense and his jaw clenched as he thought about the boldness of Rick and the choices that laid before him.


	12. Negan’s Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan has a panic attack and Rick tries to bring him back to reality.

Chapter 12

Rick stood by the door of Negan’s room. “I gotta get our dinner outta the oven. So what’s it gonna be.” He spoke calmly and cooly. 

“You son of a Bitch,” Negan grumbled, getting out of bed with aggression in his eyes. Rick rushed to his bedside and shoved Negan back down with force. The man fought back, throwing his closed fist towards Rick’s face. He slipped and rolled under his arm before holding Negan down by the shoulders. Negan shook violently, trying to escape, but Rick was stronger than he realized. 

“Fuck! Fucking fucks fuck!” Negan thrashed about. 

“Shhh hey! Hey, hey,” Rick gripped Negan tighter. “Stop.” Rick looked in his eyes before repeating again. “Stop.” 

He was tense and breathing heavily, but the consistency of Rick’s calm demeanor eased his need to thrash and punch and kick.

“Negan?” Rick looked over him head to toe. “You’re having a panic attack....”

“No I’m not,” Negan’s tone quivered. 

“You are,” Rick closed his eyes a second and sighed. “Here, take my hand.”!

“No...” Negan panted, trembling. 

“I wanna help you.”

“I don’t need help.”

“I beg to differ,” Rick said sadly. “You can’t seriously look at yourself right now and tell me you’re okay. You look malnourished, sleep deprived, you’re shaking, got some heavy breathing... man, you’ve had to pretend to be okay for way too long.”

“Stop,” tears formed once again in Negan’s eyes. 

“You can let those go, when you’re ready.” Rick soothed. “Take some deep breaths with me. Ready? In....”

Negan caved, taking a deep breath in. 

“And out.” Rick exhaled, followed soon by Negan. “Good, now let’s do some more.” 

Rick lead the charge and Negan followed, starting to calm down. 

“This happen to you often?” Rick asked in a lowered tone. He kept his eyes right on Negan. 

“More often than it should,” Negan whispered. “You...don’t even know the half.”

“I know I don’t, but I’d like to.” Rick reached out for Negan’s hand and squeezed it gently. “You’re really hurting. Looks like more so than I thought. What was that thing you said? A prick named Rick that didn’t know shit?”

“Well I didn’t....I mean I...”

“No, you got that part right,” Rick smirked. “I don’t know shit about you. But like I said, I can tell you’re hurting, and I want to help. Could be a win win for everyone involved. Now, do you wanna shower before we eat? If so, you should go do that. I need to get dinner on the table, I can already hear Judith complaining.” Rick nodded a farewell and headed downstairs. 

As soon as he knew Rick was out of earshot, Negan buried his face in the pillow and grumbled serval obscenities. In a last ditch effort to alleviate some stress, he pounded his fist onto the mattress before hopping off, scooping up the clothes Rick left for him, and slipping over to the guest bathroom.

He kicked himself mentally for not slamming the door in an attempt to seem intimidating, but he shrugged it off once he realized he probably made the best decision possible in shutting the door like a man instead of a savage beast on a rampage. “Who was I gonna intimidate? Sure as fuck wasn’t gonna be Rick, and if I scare his kids, that makes me an ass hole and a coward. I’m not either one of those. Okay, maybe a little of an ass hole, but not a coward, right?” Negan mumbled to himself looking in the mirror. “Right, Negan? You’re not a coward. You can tell Rick everything.” Negan slapped his cheek. “No fuck that. Fuck. That. You can’t tell Rick, it’s not a cowards move, it’s the smart move. What if he... what if I...or Simon...ugh fuck.” Negan ripped off his dirty clothes and moved into the shower. Turning the water as hot as he could without hurting himself. 

Beside the shower, was a small window which allowed Negan to get a look at the sun just as it set. He closed the blinds though, not in the mood to explain to some mother’s kid why he was showing his ass to the entire community. He grabbed for the fresh bar of soap. It was dry, the letters of the brand craved clear as day. He smiled, knowing Rick had set the shower up just for him. Pressing the soap to his chest, he smiled again as he took in the scents of vanilla bean. In areas that were injured, he went over them in the same gentle manner a person might pick up an injuries creature. He remembered back to Rick’s offer to see a doctor. “Maybe I should... not like Simon gives a shit. Once I’m back in the Sanctuary, he’ll probably... ugh I don’t wanna think about that now. Vanilla bean soap. Clean bathrooms. Friendly leader. Weird fat lady in charge of rationing out food.” He laughed. “Happy thoughts. Happy, mother fucking thoughts.” 

Once he finished shampooing and washing himself, he stepped out of the shower, dried off, and put the fresh set of clothes on. They looked exactly like the clothes he arrived in, but it was his outfit of choice, and he felt a different kind of warmness knowing that Rick was observant enough to know what type of clothes he liked to wear. “If Rick knows my fashion choices, what the fuck else does he know...” Negan mumbled again, but deep down, he knew full well that Rick had finally trapped him. He had to tell the Alexandrian leader everything, or nothing would change. It was then that he pondered. “Is that what I want? Change?”

“NEEEEEEGAN!” Judith shouted, giggling downstairs. “EAT FOOD!”

Negan combed back his hair as his heart melted, hearing the toddler make the dinner call, likely provoked by Rick. Soon after, Negan threw back on his leather jacket and made his way down to the Grimes family dinner table.


	13. Negan needs a drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Rick getting closer to Negan telling the truth?

Chapter 13 

“Negan! Negan! Negan!” Judith wiggled in her high chair once she saw the man in the leather jacket turn the corner. 

“She learned your name,” Rick explained. “Now she can’t stop saying it.”

Judith laughed. “Negan!” 

Once he sat down, rolling his eyes at Carl’s scowl, he turned his attention to the toddler and smiled warmly. “Hey Judith. Good to see you too.” A thought struck him quicker than lighting and he looked up at Rick, who was standing over his daughter, feeding her small bites of the meatloaf. It was soft enough for her to chew; Rick used as many ingredients as he could to moisturize it. “Holy shit, fuck me,” Negan began. 

Carl sighed. “Negan. For real? You gotta do that in front of my sister? My dad already told me you don’t have to try and impress us. We know you’re tough, just...just talk to us. You don’t have to swear. You don’t have to sound all big and bad.”

“Fuck...” Negan darted his eyes down, then bounced them back up. “I mean, I’m sorry. I’ll try and clean it up a bit. But um... yeah. You don’t got a lot of food in here. Or rather, things you probably would benefit to have. Seeing as it was my people who took that stuff, I have no one but myself to blame. But you’re letting me stay here and you’re not trying to kill me or beat me, in fact....you’re treating me pretty damn good. So...yeah. Anything they took that’s in our trucks outside or whatever, I’ll make sure you people get to keep it all. I wouldn’t be opposed to giving back some stuff we took from you either, I mean, ya know, not all of it cause there’s no fucking way that would fly but-“

“Language! Judith is a kid, ass hole.”

“Carl...” Rick warned. 

“But I’ll try,” Negan finished. “I’ll try to stop doing you dirty like this.”

“Mmm,” Rick nodded softly, feeding a spoonful to a still hyper Judith. “What brought that on? Used to be dead set in keeping our stuff and taking even more. And if you really wanna give our stuff back, do it. Don’t be all talk and no action.”

Carl titled his head, just as curious as his father. 

Negan took a bite of meatloaf and sank in his chair, his eyes rolling back into his head. “Awww fuck. This is really fucking good,”

“Negan!” The two Grimes men shouted. 

“I’m trying!” Huffed Negan, adjusting his posture. “And I got people, Rick. People that wouldn’t much like it if I took stuff away from them and gave it back to you.”

“But you stole that stuff,” Rick pinged his eyes between his daughter and his nemesis. “It’s not right to keep it. You know that too, otherwise you wouldn’t be bringing it up right now.”

“I can’t just give that stuff back....”

“Sure you can,” Carl smirked. “You’re the leader of the Saviors. You can do whatever you want.” 

Negan gently put down his spoon, wiping a napkin across his mouth. His brown eyes rose to meet Rick’s, and the usual smirk he wore fell and met its end. 

Rick kept his eyes on the man, putting Judith’s silverware in the sink, making a mental note that he needed to do the dishes later; they were beginning to pile up. “Carl, you can eat in your room. Please take Judith with you. Me and him need to talk.”

“Fine,” Carl shrugged, not really bothered by the request. First, he took his plate. He was a fast eater and half the food was already gone from it and they had waited for Negan before they began. The two men said nothing, waiting for Carl’s second trip to swoop up Judith and shut his door, after which, Rick lead off. 

“I want you to tell me everything. Everything, Negan. I don’t care how long it takes, I don’t care how embarrassing you think it is. Just tell me.” Rick sat down, smiling softly as he found himself pleased with his work on the meatloaf. 

“Fucking delicious. I thought I was a good cook but hot fucking DAMN Rick, you, are a miracle worker.” Negan’s smirk returned.

“You’re stalling,” Rick returned the gesture and smirked back. “Let’s not do that. You probably don’t wanna sit here all night.”

“Ah don’t sell yourself short, Ricky!” Negan leaned back, slinging his arm across the back end of the chair. With his other hand, he took several more bites. “This shit would win competitions where I’m from.”

“Oh yeah? And where’s that.”

“Well, I mean, technically here. Virginia. I traveled some but ya just can’t beat home ya know. And you?”

“This isn’t about me,” Rick took another bite, chewing a few times before the food slid down his throat. He’d taken a bite much too big, and he thanked God that he didn’t end up having a coughing fit. Negan would have said something stupid, and the cat and mouse game would continue on for much longer than he wanted. “This is about you. This is about your story.”

“You wouldn’t be entertained,” Negan shrugged. 

“Didn’t ask to be,” replied Rick, taking another bite. “I just asked for the truth. No matter how boring. How bad you think it is, how bad it ACTUALLY is. You can do it. Like I said, I won’t judge you. I just wanna see what we can do about making a better path. For all of us.”

Negan frowned heavily, sitting up, leaning on the edge of his seat. “You got some alcohol? I fucking hope you hid some. I’m gonna need a drink for this.”


	14. Negan’s apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes clean about everything and apologizes to Rick.

Rick reached into a vent and pulled out a bottle of wine, dusting it off before opening it and presenting it to Negan. “You’re lucky we hid this from you,” Rick said. “My only request is that you share it with me.”

Taking a giant gulp, he nodded. “Sure, Rick.” He opened his mouth to say more, but there was nothing.

“Feeling it already, huh?” Rick took the bottle that Negan held out to him and took a much smaller sip. “Wine is like a truth serum, should make things a little easier for ya.” 

“Gee; thanks, sheriff.” Negan laughed. “So uh...fuck. I really gotta do this, huh...”

Rick reached out his hand from across the table, causing Negan to pull back. “You do. But you don’t gotta do it alone.”

Negan’s fingers flirted with Rick’s, until finally, their hands collided like magnets. “Rick....I’m uh....I’m not....I’m not um...” Negan gulped. 

“Let me help you.... You’re not the real leader of The Sanctuary,” Rick whispered. 

Negan nodded and confirmed. “I’m not the real leader of The Sanctuary.”

Rick’s thumbs massaged Negan’s fingers and hand. “Who is?”

“I used to be,” Negan gulped again, taking another sip of wine. “One more?” He asked politely. Rick nodded and Negan took another sip. “I found all these people who were tough as shit, but lacking in so many areas. They took me in after I... Rick, do I really gotta do this?”

Rick nodded. “Look, man, I know this is hard. But listen, none of this has to go past us. The only thing I’ll tell anyone else is what you want me to. I respect consent. I’m not an asshole,” Rick looked Negan in the eye. “I think someone hurt you. In more ways than one. Do I think you’re weaker for it? No, of course not. But I really want to see you live a better life. And where does that start? With this conversation.” Rick massaged Negan’’s hand. “Let’s talk. It’s not a ‘you tell me what I want to know,’ it’s a, “let’s figure this out,” that’s team work. Me and you? We are in this together. You’re no longer alone. Can you comprehend that? I know you’ve been surrounded by people, but yet, alone this whole time. Do you get that it doesn’t have to be like that anymore?”

“I understand you,” Negan replied. “But I don’t UNDERSTAND you, if that makes sense. I can see from your perspective why you’d wanna work with a fucker like me but I can’t see how-“

“Shhh...” Rick stroked Negan’s wrist. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s mother fucking Simon. That shit eating mother fucking fuck keeps fucking shit up and I’m fucking tired of it and I-“

Rick cleared his throat, not letting go of Negan’s hand. “Come on, man. Enough. I can tell you’re terrified to tell me and that’s why you’re doing all this. Please, be genuine. Know how to do that? Just tell your story. Plain and simple.”

Negan looked down and kept his eyes focused on how their fingers slowly intertwined. “Simon is beating me. Abusing me in every. Single. Way you can imagine. And he has been for a while. He was fine at first and then one day he and the people I picked up along side him....they uh...started coming into my room at night and well, I’m not ready to go into big details or nothing, but it started off bad and got even worse as time went on. There were things I could do to sort of buy my way out of it each day; follow Simon’s orders to a T. Called his little game ‘Simon Says.’ Fucking dick. Anyway, I did his task? Little to no abuse that night. I refuse? A fucking hell storm would come upon me. I kinda got used to it. I didn’t like it and I wanted a way out, but I got used to it.” Negan shifted about in his chair. “There’s more...you sure you wanna hear it?”

“I wanna hear everything, Negan. Go on, keep talking.”

“They kept taking things further every time. And eventually I got to the point where I ran out of makeup to cover my wounds. I wore the jacket and the scarf and the bandage a lot. Now, all my people, they thought they shit was fucking bad ass as hell; that had, and still have, no clue that Simon’s been calling the shots the whole time.”

“Why not tell them? They could help you.” Rick titles his concerned gaze downward, trying to get Negan to look at him. Negan responded in turn by pulling his head as far back as he could, still looking down. 

“Rick, I can’t. There’s more of Simon’s now than there is of mine. Not quite enough for Simon to pull off a full on take over, but he’s close. Real fucking close.”

“Well, why didn’t you tell them back when it started then? They’d have ‘shut that shit down,’ am I right? I can’t imagine they wouldn’t have helped you. Unless you, yourself, didn’t treat em right.”

“I treated em good, probably could’ve done better, but I treated em like human fucking beings...ya know?”

“Then what was the deal, Negan? Pride?”

“Pride.” Negan nodded. “That’s what it was. What it is.”

“Can I ask you something?” Rick let go of Negan’s hand and sat back. “I need you to be truthful with me. Can you do that? No bullshit?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. So here it is.” Rick frowned. “How many of these choices we all think you’re making are actually made by Simon? Do you have any kind of say at all?”

“Absolutely none,” Negan still kept his gaze down at the floor. “Simon likes that I chose to keep my people in the dark and so he still has me pretend I’m the leader. Gives me shit to do, and I fucking do it. Act like it’s my idea when I ‘give orders.’ Now some of my people are a little suspicious, like Dwight for example. He sees a change in me, says I’m not the same man I was when we started our group. But I keep fucking lying to him. I think he knows that too, just hasn’t...what would he do? Who would he tell? Who would he know who to trust? If I were him, I wouldn’t even trust me.”

“Alright, I hear you, and we can talk more about that later, but right now, you’re getting a little off track so...you were at pretending to be the leader. Go from there.” 

“Started as small things I was only slightly uncomfortable doing, ya know, stealing petty shit from other communities. It morphed into what it is today. I used to fight it a lot more than I do now. Now? I just fucking go along with it. And ya know what? I like the little act I get to play. I get to make people shit their pants while they cry on their knees and beg me to keep em breathing.” Negan forced a smirk. “I take all my frustrations out on everyone.”

Rick frowned and leaned forward. “And then you go home, and get put in your place. Reminded that you’re not actually the one in charge.”

Negan’s cheeks turned bright red. 

“I’m sorry,” Rick shrugged. “But you enjoying it is something I can’t get behind. But I think that even now, you’re playing that act with me. I think part of you actually does enjoy that little power trip you get when you got people on their knees, but I think another part of you wishes you weren’t like that.”

Negan’s eyes widened.

“Ah. I’m not wrong about that, then. And, would I also be right in saying that you want a way out? A new place to stay, where you don’t have to be pressured into anything, and you can just rediscover yourself? Your true self, not the bullshit act and power tripping and murdering people in cold blood.”

Negan looked down once again. “Doesn’t matter what I want, Rick. I can’t have it.”

“Who says?” Rick narrowed his eye. “There are a million ways to get out of this, Negan. Don’t say it’s impossible. It’s not.”

“It is,” Negan sank down. “It’s gotten way too fucking out of hand. I’ve become a fucking....a....I’m a monster, Rick.” He lowered his voice. “I am. Just cause I take abuse doesn’t mean I’m completely innocent.”

“I know that,” Rick nodded, matching his tone to Negan’s. “We’re all guilty of something. I’m not perfect, no one is. How can anyone in a world like this be expected to be? Hey...listen. You’re not telling me everything and I get that-I just...I wanna help you. Because we gotta try to be better people. We can grow. Lean on each other, ya know?”

“I’m not telling you everything....” Negan lowered his voice even more. “I had a daughter. Heather. Not...” he cleared his throat. “Not much older than Judith, actually. And um...” His shoulders grew tense. “One night,” A deep breath escaped his lips as he forced himself to look up at Rick. “You have a daughter. You have a son. You’d do anything to protect them...and they are still here so...ya know...yeah. You’re a better dad than me.”

Rick focused all of his attention on Negan, standing from his chair, moving over to his nemesis. He instantly knelt beside his chair, not caring that the last time he did this, he was facing Lucille, and not the broken man before him. He just needed to get close to Negan.

“Simon woke me up one night, sitting on the edge of my bed with a knife to my throat. Ha. Great way to wake up, huh? He told me about the shit your people pulled, and he said he was gonna make your life a living hell. That’s when he offered me a choice; I could either kill your kids, or he’d kill mine.”

Rick’s eyes widened. “Negan...”

“You better believe I woke the fuck up real fast. I begged Simon not to make me do it. Begged and begged for over an hour. ‘Keep begging,’ is all he’d say. So I did. Finally he must’ve gotten tired of hearing my voice and he said ‘what are you gonna do for me instead?’ I suggested I’d kill two adults instead. He said, ‘okay, and what else?’ Take half Alexandria’s shit. ‘What else?’ And I gave him what he wanted.” Negan’s gaze went cold. “Physically speaking.”

“So you were gonna kill two people all along...”

“Yeah. I was. Your boy Daryl had nothing to do with it. I just used that to make you all piss your pants.”

“So, if you did what Simon said...”

“I came back, Simon pinned me against the wall.” Negan frowned heavily. “I failed him. His first order was for me to kill your kids. I guess he never really said...we had a deal, you know? I just thought we did.” Negan’s voice cracked. “He and his friends put me on my knees and pressed their hands on my shoulders. One of them had Heather. Simon um....he...he...” Tears filled his eyes. Tears filled Rick’s eyes, and they both released them all at once. “Simon made me watch her cry before he slit her throat and shot her in the head. She’s dead, Grimes....I....I...”

Rick stood to his feet, pulling Negan up with him as they embraced tightly, balling into each other’s shoulders. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rick began.

“Me too, man. I’m sorry. I’m sorry....” He clung to Rick as if the sherif was solid ground and Negan was falling off a cliff. “I hurt your people and Killed them and...and rip their shit away and...” he gasped for breath. “I don’t wanna do it anymore but I can’t stop and all I have is this fucked up part I play. Everything’s gone... I don’t know what to do.” 

Rick, rubbing Negan’s back for comfort, whispered gently in his ear. “I forgive you. And everything’s not gone. You’ll have me now.” 

It was as simple as that.


	15. Stay with us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick makes Negan an offer to stay in Alexandria.

Chapter 15

“I have you...” Negan repeated Rick’s words through his continuous sobs. “How can that even be true, Rick? After all I’ve done, after I fucking just told you I was ordered to kill your kids. How?!”

Rick’s sobs has ceased. He kept his palms and fingers against the other man’s back, rubbing back and forth. His voice was steady and calm amongst the storm of Negan’s tears. “Well for one, you didn’t kill them. You kept them alive. That was a big risk for you to take, and I don’t even know if this is appropriate to say given the fact that things didn’t...” he sighed. “You lost your daughter. You miss her. You feel like you failed. It’s only human for you to wish you could go back and just kill my kids to keep yours alive. I get that. I don’t resent you for thinking that. But...thank you. My kids will always come first for me. So for me, yeah, you did as good by me as you knew to do.”

Negan was as stiff as a board, yet his weeping grew louder. 

“Man, I’m sorry. That was a shitty thing to say. I had good intentions but I went off on a tangent. Negan I... you know what? In a perfect world, I wish that both of our kids would have been able to live. But people like Simon, they don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. He’s sick in the head. Wants you to think you’re sick too, but you’re not. I can see it in your eyes, Negan, and in the way you’re here right now, being so honest with me. So vulnerable. A monster couldn’t do that. Hey... I’m sorry. I just don’t...I’m at a loss for the right words to say. I’m not sure what I should allow myself to feel about what you told me. I guess, when it boils down to it, our kids...they shouldn’t be a topic of someone’s vengeance. I’m sorry you lost your daughter. I wish I would have known, I’d have stood up for ya. We all would have.”

“No...Rick, I get it. You’re grateful I didn’t Murder your kids, I fucking get that, and you’ve just been given some fucked up news and maybe you gave me a little word vomit but fuck it. You’re being real with me. But I want you to know something,” Negan tried to force his tears to a holt, which proved unsuccessful as he struggled to breathe. He was drowning. “I regret not coming to you for help. That was my mother fucking pride and fear. I do NOT regret the fact that I didn’t kill your kids. They are kids. They don’t deserve that. I...I just wish Heather...she didn’t have to die. It’s...it’s my fault. It is. It’s my fault. She’s still be alive if I-“

“No,” Rick soothed. “No it’s not. Who killed her? Simon. Who put you in this position? Simon. Who is trying to control you, and make you feel guilty even though he ain’t here? Simon. Fuck that guy. Negan, none of this is your fault. I know you felt powerless to come to me then, but you don’t have to feel that way now that you know I wanna help.”

“But Rick, there’s nothing you can do.” Negan kept sobbing. 

“I beg to differ,” Rick smiled softly, running his fingers through Negan’s hair. “Alexandria, Hill Top, The Kingdom, Ocean Side, Thats a lot of us. And the Savivors that were with you pre Simon? Think on that. We’ve got the numbers.”

“They wouldn’t wanna help a guy like me...”

“You kidding? If you tell your story, I’ll back you up. Tell them all the truth. Show them the same side of you I’m seeing now.”

“Weakness?” Negan scoffed. 

“No, strength. Humanity. A heart. You have a heart, Negan. A big one. Show them that, and they’ll help you. They’ll believe you. Maybe they won’t all entirely like you just yet, but once they find out Simon is pushing all the buttons, and once they find out what he does to you, they’ll all be willing to help. We’re all at a loss. We need our supplies to survive, and this is a good way for us to mend things.”

Negan pulled away, his face drenched in tears. “But what if the people don’t accept me? What if they don’t believe me? What if Simon finds out and kills us all? What if-“

Rick stepped up and embraced Negan once again. “Shhh. That’s a lot of what if’s. Just trust. Trust me. Trust yourself. Trust that things will work out. Maybe we make a plan and it doesn’t work, but you know what? You want out of this don’t you? Like I said, there are a million ways to make that happen. So. What do ya say? You want a better life?” How about this. I help you with your Simon problem, and in return, you stay with us. With me. In Alexandria.”

Negan’s eyes widened. He didn’t know what to say.


	16. Something Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan is faced with an offer to stay in Alexandria. What will he choose?

Chapter 16 

Negan stared in disbelief. “Rick...you...but what if I....Rick no... I can’t....I....”

Rick smiled. “You can though, Negan. You can do whatever you want. I think you’d love it here. Of course, you understand that I’d be calling the shots on things, not you.”

“Like I fucking call the shots anyway...” Negan mumbled.

“I just wanna make sure we understand each other,” Rick continued. “You can be an Alexandrian, if you want. And being an Alexandrian would mean sharing, not taking. It would mean peace, not war. Well, minus this one we’re likely gonna get into with Simon, but it means peace with everyone in the community. It means honesty. It means discovering yourself and healing. Making friends, forgiveness. Any of that interest you?”

“It does...” Negan went back and forth in his mind. “But...”

And Rick’s eyebrows raised at the “but” 

“I know, I know, you said no more what if’s...but come on, who are we kidding? I’m not gonna make any friends here. Everyone hates me. And they have every fucking right. I’m not gonna fit in here. I’ll be all alone. Looked down on. That’s if I’m lucky.”

Rick looked Negan in the eye. “No one here would ever hurt you. We try too hard to be above that. We wanna help you. Look, even before you came here today, a few people confronted me and told me they thought maybe you needed help and that we needed to find a way to show you kindness, maybe it’d inspire you or something. It’s like they knew before me. So you’ll make friends here. Maybe some people won’t ever come around, but hey. You don’t need everybody, just a few solid friends. I’d be one of em. Even after everything, I know your sorry and I know you were forced into this. Like I said, I forgive you.”

Negan looked down, more tears formed in his eyes and instead of holding them Ba Kylie before, he just let them out. “I really like this idea....they um....” he sniffled, “you really think they wouldn’t hurt me?”

“You know I can’t promise anything.” Rick sighed. “But I can promise that those who hurt members of our community are few, and any who do, get thrown in our little jail cell. And if you stay, you can of course get your own house, but I’d go go to recommend you stay with me, at least, until everything is sorted out.”

“I’ve always wanted this... something better... something good.” Negan sobbed

“I know,” Rick rubbed Negan’s back carefully. “Love. It’s what we all deserve.”

“And I could really heal here... discover who I really fucking am...”

“Yes.”

Negan looked up at Rick, eyes streaming with tears. “I wanna stay in Alexandria.”

“Then that’s what will happen.” Rick smiled, and with his permission, embraced Negan tightly.


	17. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promise I’ll update!

I’ve been super busy, but I haven’t forgotten! I love this story, and want to see what lies in store for Rick and Negan :)


End file.
